


wake me up when august ends

by badAquatic, orphan_account



Series: Trailerstuck [41]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human/Troll Society, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, F/M, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Group Therapy, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Past Abuse, Past Violence, Teen Pregnancy, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-03
Updated: 2013-12-03
Packaged: 2018-01-03 07:45:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1067861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badAquatic/pseuds/badAquatic, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aradia learns the importance of a nest egg and Tavros doesn't get hit in the bulge.</p><p>Takes place immediately after "things fall apart" and during "i'm not sick but i'm not well".</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. beastie boy

**== >Aradia: Be asked a favor**

 

3:12 PM

 

You spend your Sunday afternoons at Equius’s trailer, soaking up sunlight and reading your xenoanthropology books. On the third page of Shakespeare in the Sopor, Equius walks into the room. He’s sweaty but not panting so it must be from summer heat alone. He sits on the edge of the daybed.

“I need a favor of you.” Equius says, being forward as always.

“I’m not making friends with Horuss.” you say.    

“I’ve made my peace with that.” Equius says, frowning slightly. “I need you to  talk to Tavros.”

You scowl and shut _Coming of Age in Old Alternia._ “Why do I have to talk to him? He’s an asshole. The last time I talked to him, I kicked him in the bulge.”

“I know,” Equius sighs, “he’s been rather… hot to handle, but…” He hesitates and then says, “…something… _terrible_ happened to him last summer. Something my parents were just made aware of rather recently and considering what happened to Karkat just yesterday…”

Neither of you want to linger on what happened to Karkat. Friday night was a nightmare: the waiting, the fear of never seeing Karkat again, and the helplessness of what could be one. Even offering words of condolence and offers of help to Karkat just reminded you of how ineffectual you were.

You hadn’t heard about what happened to Tavros though. You’re almost afraid to ask but you do. After what Equius tells you, you feel squeamish. When Equius concludes the story with how Tavros finally admitted to Rufioh what had happened two weeks ago, you only have one thing to say: “What do you want to do?”

“My father wants Tavros to attend group therapy,” Equius says, getting down to brass tacks now that you’ve been filled in, “He says Tavros is showing signs of PTSD and doesn’t have an outlet for it. He thinks therapy would help but as you know Tavros and my father aren’t… on speaking terms.”

You can’t really blame Tavros for that. You only have to put up with Horuss on occasion. “You want me to talk to him.” you sigh.

“You’re on more friendly terms. If you tell Tavros something, he’ll at least think about it twice before brushing it off.”

“We haven’t been friends in months.” You say. Equius gives you the most pitiable look; the look of genuine brotherly concern for his (sometimes ungrateful) younger sibling. Thank gods you’re an only child. You sigh, “When do I have to do this by…?”

“Next Sunday preferably,” says Equius, “which brings me to part two of this request…”

“You didn’t tell me there’d be a part two.” You grumble.

“Well there is now.” Equius says, “Next Sunday, Aranea wants us to have a… dinner.”

“ _Oh_ _gods…_ ” Aranea’s dinners are a torture the Prince of Pitch and Lies could conceive. You can’t decide which is worse: Aranea yammering on or Horuss and you being in the same room.

“It won’t be as bad this time! I swear!” Equius insists.

“Lies and slander.” You respond, “The last time we tried to have a civilized meal; I faked food poisoning so I could leave early.”

Equius glares at you. “You told me you were sick.”

“Well you were going to learn the truth sooner or later.” You roll your eyes. “Why is Aranea making us do this again? Everyone hated it the last time. We were just lucky Rufioh and _Porrim_ didn’t show up or it would’ve been a bigger disaster. I’m not looking forward to Gobblebeast Day or Winter Holiday, by the way…”

Equius shrugs, “I don’t know why. Aranea has some sort of announcement and she wants to talk to everyone in person about it. It must be a big deal if it is.”

You’re still not looking forward to it. You say, “I’ll talk to Tavros, but you owe me for this.”

Equius smiles and kisses you, patting the mound growing on your abdomen. “I owe you a lot by this point.”

You purr and kiss him back, “You’re just lucky being adorable works in your favor.”

You can’t figure out how to approach Tavros about this. Knowing the reason for his behavior only makes things more awkward. Talking to him over Trollichum seems too impersonal but talking to him in person is just awkward. You can’t even think of an excuse to give over his trailer outside of “Equius wanted us to talk”. Once you’re on the spot, you can’t think of a good way to start up a conversation. You end up procrastinating until next Sunday evening at Equius’s trailer.

Aranea serves up chicken-andouille gumbo and red velvet cake. The food is good and it’s not until you’re eating that she makes her announcement.

“Since Vriska’s moved out to the Squalor,” she begins, “Horuss and I thought about it and we decided that we should move in together.”

There’s a very unnerving silence following this. No shouts of disproval or skepticism at the two moving in together so soon; just very quiet tension. Rufioh is gripping his glass hard enough to break it. Equius is nervously drumming his fingers. Tavros mumbles an excuse and leaves the table.  

“So…” Rufioh says to Horuss, his tone flat, “…you move in after a month and a half of knowing each other? That’s funny considering how long it took us to move in.”

“Don’t even start that.” Horuss says warningly.

“This is some really great sausage. In this gumbo...” Equius begins, smiling awkwardly.

You’re not staying for the fight that has nothing to do with you. You excuse yourself from the table, pretending you need to visit the bathroom. It’s a viable excuse at this stage of pregnancy. You don’t need the bathroom but fresh air. It’s too stuffy and tense inside the trailer and not just from Rufioh and Horuss but the air conditioner is on the fritz again. You go onto the back porch where its considerably cooler and the fireflies are out. Tavros is out there, fumbling with a cigarette and lighter.

“Try not to set yourself on fire.” you say.

“I’m not going to therapy.” Tavros says, not looking up.

You don’t say anything.

“Mom and Dad and Equius already gave me the whole spiel about seeing a head doctor and I know they talked to you and Terezi about it. Well. I don’t need it.” Tavros finally lights the cigarette, grumbling. “I admitted what was going on. It’s fine. I’m fine.”

He doesn’t sound angry, just exhausted. There’s no spite or acid behind his words. “I was just going to say it was brave of you to admit what happened,” you say quietly, “but I still think you need professional help. You’re not the only one. You know what happened to Karkat. You’re not alone in this.”

He isn’t looking at you. He mumbles, “Why are you talking to me?”

“I’m not going to lie. Equius asked me to because he’s worried about you.” Tavros groans and you add, “We were friends before Hanael, and we could be friends again. If you want.”

The brownblood puffs on his cigarette. “Equius should mind his own—” He winces then, inhales sharply.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m…” He hisses and takes another deep breath, “I’m okay. I’m fine.” Another minute passes as you watch every muscle in his body go taut and then relax. He exhales, “Alright. I’m good.”

You’ve seen those spasms before. You whisper, “Tavros, are you… _pregnant_?”

That earns you a harsh glare, “ _No_! Oh my fucking gods. I’m on birth control for Jegus sake.”

“So was I, genius. It can fail.” You snort.

“Mine doesn’t.”

You’re not going to argue with him about the unreliability of troll birth control. “So why the wincing?”

“Just pains in my lower abdomen. It’s not a big deal. Just annoying.”

“Your lower abdomen is where your eggsack is. Sometimes the birth control does other things to your body or it backfires.”

“I don’t want to go to the doctor for a false alarm and get a huge bill.”

“Your father’s a doctor isn’t he?”

 _“No way!”_ Tavros glances at the backdoor, then whispers, “Dad doesn’t know I’m on birth control. He’ll be like: why are you taking birth control? Why do you need it? Why are you having casual sex at your age? Why aren’t you barefoot and pregnant?”

“I understand the sentiment.” It’s an exaggeration of Horuss but not wanting to deal with that aspect of the blueblood is understandable. There’s chatter inside the house. Most likely they’re talking about you two but you don’t want to go back inside. “I noticed your clown didn’t come.”

Tavros leans against the banister, swatting at mosquitoes, “No way I’m bringing him around Horuss. Gamzee being around Mom is volatile enough.”

“So he’s a satellite?” If he was, Tavros’s new relationship was no different than the one he had with Hanael.

He shakes his head. “Far from it. Things are getting… serious.”

“How serious?”

“…it’s embarrassing.”

“Tavros, I’m pregnant. In about two months, I’m going to put my nook on display so I can push out an egg. Then I’m going to be changing litter boxes for at least a year. There’s very little that can embarrass me.”

“Good point.” He sighs and admits in a whisper, “I… chirped at him.”

“Chirped?” You snicker, “You’re embarrassed over _that_?”

“It is _embarrassing_!” There’s a bronze flush to his cheeks that’s very adorable. “He’s even got a job.”

“My gods. An employed purpleblood. He truly must be ready to put you in a human wedding dress and build a sex nest.”

He looks at you, “Are you being sarcastic or not? Because I can’t tell anymore.”

You smile. “A little from Column A and a little from Column B.”

“I forgot how sassy you could be.” Tavros sighs, “I miss hanging out with people.”

“There’s no rule saying we had to stop.”

“I didn’t want to drag anyone into my mess. Hanael dropped by my house and was in my life as much as possible. I don’t know why he bothered with me…”

“Gangs function that way. Once you’re in debt to them, they use you as much as possible.” You touch his shoulder.

You spend the rest of the evening hanging out on the back porch. Around ten, Equius walks you back to your trailer. You need the exercise and he’s not willing to let you walk alone.

“Is your father still moving in with Aranea?” you ask.

He frowns. “Yes… it’ll be expensive for them to live together but he’s willing to deal with it. I guess now you can move in with me like we wanted since you hate my father.”

“I don’t _hate_ Horuss, Equius.” You really despise him and often want to punch him in the face but you consider that a gentle hatred, “We just don’t get along.”

Equius doesn’t respond, he’s just staring ahead. You follow his line of sight and see kits running around at the end of the road, splattered from head to toe in mud and squirting at each other with plastic guns. Sitting on porches and stoops nearby are groups of teenagers wearing UBK and Tex-Mex colors; glaring at each other.  

“Do you think there’ll be a fight?” you ask.

“I doubt it. The Tex-Mex and the UBK don’t have a feud going on.”

You go the other way home though just in case. Your trailer is empty now that your mother has returned to working at the Battle of the Bulge. She’s still not in the habit of picking up after herself but at least she’s not suicidal anymore. You do some packing, loading your anthropology and xenoanthropology textbooks into boxes. Thanks to your psionics, you don’t have to stand to do it. You use them at work but not overtly. The UTC isn’t fond of things they can’t control but they’ve gotten lazy about detecting it; they haven’t detected Aranea or Vriska.

Very little happens in your day. You’re out of the loop and spend most of your evenings with your matesprit, even if there’s mutual animosity between his father and yourself.

The next day, Horuss and you have the first encounter you’ve had in a month. It’s a hot Monday night and Equius is out of the trailer, aiding your close-to-midnight craving run at 7-11. You’re watching Subjug Shore on the couch when Horuss walks in. He doesn’t look at the TV but looks at you. “Something wrong?” you ask.

Horuss seems to be debating with himself, “So,” he begins, “you were talking to Tavros for a while...”

“Yes…” you mutter.

He’s leaning against the doorway, watching you. “…I knew Hanael was abusing Tavros for a long time. He came here with a black eye and Rufioh and I fought about it. The point is …I know he has trauma. He bottles things up and sweeps them under the rug because… I do that. A lot. But basically...” Another sigh, “He needs a moirail. Someone he feels he can trust and he… always liked you.”

So this was the end game for Tavros and you: moiraillegiance. You should have known. “ _You_ could always talk to him you know.” you say.

“Like he’d ever listen to me. Tavros hates me even more than Rufioh does.”

You’re not going to deny that. Thankfully conversation with Horuss is brief. Equius quickly returns with food and that takes your mind off of Tavros for a while. You spend the night with him, resting in the nest you’ve constructed on his daybed. Equius must be feeling particularly stressed if he’s soaking in so a high sopor slime solution. You’re too troubled to sleep so you’re on your iHusk.

 

\-- apocalypseArisen[AA] began trolling adiosToreador[AT]--

 

AA: s0 i have a j0ke f0r y0u

AT: iT BETTER NOT INVOLVE MY BROTHER’S SEX LIFE,

AA: n0 it d0esnt th0ugh that is hilari0us

AT: eW,,,

AA: anyways the j0ke is that y0ur father is actually w0rried ab0ut y0u despite him being a huge c0nservative d0uchebag

AT: ,,,

AT: tHAT’S NOT FUNNY,

AA: well it may n0t be funny but its true

AT: bULLSHIT,

AT: i’M NOTHING BUT A DISAPPOINT TO HORUSS,

AA: he didn’t say y0u werent but he als0 admitted t0 being concerned f0r y0u

AA: i think he wants us t0 be m0irails

AT: hA!

AT: lIKE I’VE EVER DONE ANYTHING HE WANTED,

AA: tavr0s, this isnt a time t0 d0 y0ur teen rebelli0n thing

AT: i WAS THE LEAST REBELLIOUS TEENAGER EVER,

AA: n0w thats a j0ke

AT: i DIDN’T EVEN DO ANYTHING, i COULDN’T, bECAUSE YOU KNOW,

AT: wHEELCHAIR,

AA: like that ever prevented y0u fr0m causing tr0uble

AA: it just made it easier f0r y0u t0 be sneaky because n0 0ne wanted t0 blame y0u and n0 0ne was g0ing t0 suspect y0u

AT: i DIDN’T DO ANYTHING,

AA: i kn0w y0u’re the 0ne wh0 hacked strider’s c0mputer terminal and was resp0nsible f0r that qu0te unqu0te mysteri0us stain 0n miss penr0ts desk

AA: y0u t0ssed that firecracker int0 horuss’s car

AA: y0ure the 0ne wh0 spray painted the gym wall

AA: y0u peeped 0n jade

AT: oKAY THAT LAST ONE WAS A HAPPY ACCIDENT, aND WE MADE A GROUP PACT NEVER TO TALK ABOUT MIDDLE SCHOOL, yOU ARE NOT HONORING THE PACT,

AA: the p0int is that y0ure n0t ab0ve acting like a stupid idi0t 0r being really childish when y0u want t0 be

AT: dID YOU HAVE A POINT OR SOMETHING? iT STARTED WITH MOIRAILS, aND THEN IT DEVOLVED INTO TALKING ABOUT ME AND MY FUCK UPS,

AA: what are y0u even d0ing up? y0u’re usually early t0 bed early t0 rise s0rt

AT: i AM ITS JUST,,,

AT: ,,,

AT: ,,,iTS REALLY STUPID,,,

AA: what is it?

AT: sOME ASSHOLE WENT DOWN THE STREET IN HIS CAR BLASTING TROLL BEASTIE BOYS AND IT WOKE ME UP, sO NOW I’M WIDE AWAKE AND GAMZEE NODDED OFF SO I’M IN THE LIVING ROOM TOO FIDGETY TO FUCKING SLEEP,,,

AT: fUCK, tHIS SOUNDS STUPID,

AA: its n0t stupid tavr0s

AA: why d0nt y0u like the tr0ll beastie b0ys?

AT: iT,,,BRINGS UP BAD MEMORIES,

AA: 0f hanael?

AT: wELL, yEAH, hE LIKED THEM A LOT ITS JUST,,,

AT: iTS NOT JUST HANAEL, tHERE’S A LOT OF THINGS CONNECTED TO IT TOO,

AA: what happened?

AT: iTS,,,,rEALLY HORRIBLE,

AT: iTS HARD TO TALK ABOUT,

AA: maybe y0u sh0uld try talking t0 kankri 0r karkat if y0u cant tell me theyve been thr0ugh abuse t00

AT: iT WASN’T EVEN ABUSE RELATED,

AT: iT WAS,,,OKAY, uH, sO,,,

AT: wILL YOU NOT TELL ANYONE, eVER, i’M,,, REALLY SERIOUS,,,

AA: ill tell y0u a secret in exchange

AT: wHAT,

AT: wHAT SECRETS COULD YOU POSSIBLY HAVE,

AA: bef0re us h00king up with equius and feferi s0llux and i f00led ar0und a bit just t0 figure things 0ut as we put it and that’s s0mething we never t0ld 0ur matesprits

AT: sO YOU WERE TOTALLY NOT A VIRGIN WITH EQUIUS,

AA: we b0th kn0w the c0ncept 0f virginity is skewed and stupid

AT: tHAT’S TRUE,,

AT: oKAY SO,,,

AT: lAST YEAR A FEW DAYS BEFORE WINTER HOLIDAY EVE, hANAEL DRAGGED ME TO HANG OUT WITH HIS CRONIES IN SUMMONER PARK, hANAEL WAS PICKING UP DRUG MONEY IN THIS HIDEAWAY AREA DEEPER IN THE WOODS AREA,,,AND,,,

AT: aND THERE WERE SOME HOMELESS PEOPLE THERE, tHERE WERE TWO OLD MEN, oNE HUMAN ONE TROLL,,,

AT: hANAEL WAS BORED SO HE AND HIS PALS BEAT THEM TO DEATH,,,

AT: aND I DIDN’T SAY OR DO ANYTHING, i JUST STOOD THERE LIKE A COWARD AND TURNED UP MY MUSIC REALLY LOUD AND IT,,,IT JUST,,,IT WAS ON SHUFFLE SO THE TROLL BEASTIE BOYS CAME ON,,,AND SO EVERYTIME I HEAR IT,,,

AT: i THINK ABOUT ALL THE TIMES I SAW HANAEL KILL, rAPE, mURDER,,, ALL THOSE THINGS I SAW HIM DO AND I JUST,,, STOOD BY, aND COULD DO NOTHING,

AA: thats h0rrible tavr0s

AA: i d0nt even kn0w what t0 say t0 that

AT: i DON’T KNOW EITHER, sOMETIMES I TALK TO GAMZEE ABOUT IT,

AT: wE HAVE SHITTY STORY EXCHANGES NOW AND AGAIN, i TELL HIM ABOUT SOMETHING FUCKED UP I SAW WITH HANAEL AND HE TELLS ME MORE ABOUT PRISON,

AT: i WAS WITH HANAEL FOR A YEAR AND A FEW MONTHS, oN OCCASION HE’D LEAVE ME ALONE, gAMZEE WAS IN AMETHYST FOR YEARS AND JUST GOT OUT, hE’S STILL TRYING TO COPE,

AA: tavr0s st0p writing 0ff y0ur trauma like its n0t a big deal

AT: iTS NOT,

AA: it is and if y0u have sleep tr0uble turn up the s0p0r c0ncentrati0n in y0ur recuperac00n

AT: i CAN’T STAND THE SMELL OF SOPOR, iT BRINGS BACK BAD MEMORIES SO I DON’T TURN IT UP HIGH WHEN I USE IT,

AA: if y0u’re having tr0uble sleeping try a s0p0r tablet then 0nce a tr0ll gets 0ff a sleeping pattern its harder f0r them t0 get back 0n it

AT: oKAY FINE, i’M GOING,

AA: g00d night tavr0s

 

\-- adiosToreador[AT] ceased trolling apocalypseArisen[AA]!--

 

You can hate Horuss all you want but he was right: his son does need a moirail.

 


	2. restless dreamers

5:47 PM

 

The next day is Monday. You go to work at ShopRite and take the bus home. You arrive at the park late because of Mirth Gras traffic. Equius isn’t home yet (most likely because of said traffic), so you visit the Nitram trailer instead. You find Tavros lying on a sleep bag on the back porch face down.

“You’re sleeping? At this hour?” You ask.

“I was. Sort of.” Tavros mutters, “It’s not like I have anything else to do.”

“So why don’t you get a job?” you finally ask.

“I don’t remember owing you money,” is Tavros’s response.

“It’s just that your matesprit’s at work and you’re sleeping.”

“I’m not sleeping and you’re not the only one who keeps reminding me of my employment status.” Tavros sits up slowly, “Let’s see: I got a reminder from my mother, Horuss, oh, and of course my _always_ _knowledgeable_ brother.”

“But not Gamzee?”

“Like _he’s_ going to nag me about employment opportunities. The only reason he got the job is because he doesn’t mind long hours and Feferi helped him. He uses employment as an excuse to stay around longer.”

You smirk. “Rufioh trying to avoid that day when he permanently moves into your room?”

“He rarely goes home as is.” Tavros slowly sits up. “What are you doing here?”

You shrug. “Equius is at work. My mother is with Nepeta having an art session.”

Tavros snickers. “What? They _have_ to be fucking. Not even my Mom could take that much of Damara back when she was tolerable. They’re both ladies with an empty flush and one of them is pregnant and hormonal.”

The image of Nepeta with her tongue in your mother’s nook makes you… you are not sure what word applies You don’t feel the same squeamish discomfort that Rose or the other humans would feel thinking about their parents in the act of copulation, but it’s not appealing either.

“I’m not _that_ hormonal.” you argue.

“Says the troll who kicked me in the bulge and is now trying to be my best friend.”

“That was a month ago and you were being a dick.”

Tavros lies down, sighing, “Yeah, you’re right. Whatever.”

“Why were you being a dick to me anyways?”

The bronzeblood doesn’t move to look at you as he mumbles, “…think I was jealous…”

“Jealous? Of what? Being knocked up and trying to make ends meet in the third shittiest neighborhood in the city?”

“Well… it’s just…” He’s still face down on the sleeping mat, tracing circles in the puffy silken fabric, “…you had a lot of things I didn’t. Equius was supportive though Horuss hated you. You were really… confidant… so I was irritated at you and… myself ‘cause I was stuck with that cobalt fucktard.”

You want to ask what happened to Hanael but you already have a notion about the conclusion to that story. You saw the posting of Hanael and his wannabe gangster friends on the Have You Seen Me? Board at ShopRite and Walmart. It wasn’t on the news because nobody cares about a missing troll.

“So why aren’t you here and not with your matesprit?”

Another silence, and then, “It’s… not safe.” He sighs, “The fairgrounds for Mirth Gras is chopped up territory because a lot of gang members take their kids there or hang out. The wharf is UBK, the area with the games and animals are Brotherhood, and the other areas are Tex-Mex and so on. I was going to apply there at the zoo cause I like animals but…”

He doesn’t have to finish the sentence. Two weeks ago a bomb had gone off in a riverfront club, killing several UBK. The news had stayed quiet about the motivation for it, blaming an electrical fire when every New Jacker knew it had been Brotherhood backlash. The police had cracked down on the fairgrounds and now it had gone eerily quiet elsewhere in the city.

“…I’m worried about Gamzee getting involved in that shit, and I don’t want to go near those UBK chucklefucks.” he concludes, “Things are only quiet now because UBK and Brotherhood want to fleece tourists using badger games and honey traps.”

He knows more about gang activities than you thought but Tavros was always a sponge for knowledge. You move closer to him, nudging him so he’ll roll over. His skin is colder than it should be and his eyes sunken and tired.

“Tavros, are you feeling alright?”

The brownblood scrubs his eyes. “…fine.” 

“Have you been sleeping?”

“Yes.”

“How many hours?”

“Two or three a night...”

“Has it always been this way?”

“No… not really. I was fine for a while.”

“So when did it start up?”

“…maybe a week ago?”

The same amount of time since Karkat came back and hasn’t been the same. He must be tired if he’s being so honest. You decide to go home, hoping the outdoors will encourage Tavros to sleep. At your trailer, your mother and Nepeta aren’t in the front room. You don’t know where they are and you’re not about to go looking. You’re dead on your feet.

You take a nap first. You wake up at 7:19 with two messages from Equius. You message him back saying you’re okay and at your house. You see Terezi’s online and shoot her a message.

 

\-- apocalypseArisen[AA] began trolling gallowsCalibrator[GC]! --

 

AA: terezi d0 karkat and kankri have tr0uble sleeping

GC: TH3Y’R3 BOTH R3STL3SS SL33P3RS 4ND V1V1D DR34M3RS BUT K4NKR1 1S 4CTU4LLY SL33P1NG 34S13R W1TH TH3 OCC4S1ON4L N1GHTM4R3S

GC: D4V3’S B33N T3LL1NG M3 K4RK4T H4S BOUTS OF 1NSOMN14 SO H3’S T4K1NG SOPOR T4BL3TS TO K33P H1M ON 4 R3GUL4R SL33P SCH3DUL3

GC: H3’S GOTT3N B3TT3R W1TH N1GHTM4R3S BUT H3’S ST1LL SK1TT1SH 1 H4D TO CO4CH D4V3 ON HOW TO 3NCOUR4G3 H1M TO SL33P

AA: h0w d0 y0u d0 that?

GC: WHY? 1S 3QU1US H4V1NG N1GHTM4R3S?

AA: tavr0s

GC: 1 D1DN’T KNOW YOU W3R3 ON SP34K1NG T3RMS W1TH H1M 4G41N

AA: its 0bvi0us his nerves are fried en0ugh t0 talk with me s0 w0rried f0r him s0 i was w0ndering what w0rked f0r karkat

GC: 1TS 34SY YOU JUST G3NTLY M4SS4G3 TH3 SKULL 4R34 4ROUND TH3 HORNS 4ND TH3 4BDOM3N 1F STOM4CH P41NS 4R3 4 P4RT OF 1T D4V3 M4N4G3D TO G3T K4RK4T TO SL33P 4FT3R HOLD1NG H1M FOR 4 H4LF HOUR

AA: i never th0ught 0f dave as the h0lding type

GC: H3’S R34LLY NOT H3 S41D 1TS 4WKW4RD 4S H3LL 4T F1RST BUT 3V3NTU4LLY H3 GOT US3D TO 1T 1 DO TH3 S4M3 TH1NG FOR K4NKR1 WH3N H3 G3TS TOO WOUND3D UP

AA: i th0ught y0u said y0u have t0 be sleeping f0r this t0 w0rk?

GC: Y34H YOU H4V3 TO B3 BUT FOR K4NKR1 H3 JUST L1K3S 4FF3CT1ON 4ND 4TT3NT1ON B3C4US3 H3 W4S SO ST4RV3D OF 1T 4LL H1S L1F3 4ND H3 H4S TH1S N3RVOUS F34R TH4T NO ON3 W4NTS H1M 4ROUND OR L1K3S H1M

GC: 1 COULD GO ON FOR HOURS 4BOUT K4NKR1’S MOOD SW1NGS 4ND S3LF 3ST33M THOUGH

GC: HOW 4R3 YOU F33L1NG BY TH3 W4Y? YOU’R3 WH4T? TWO MONTHS 1N?

AA: yes halfway there thankfully

AA: ill be glad when i can g0 spelunking again

GC: WH4T 4BOUT TH3 GRUB?

AA: ill strap them t0 my chest they’ll be fine

GC: TH4T 1S TOT4LLY SOM3TH1NG YOU SHOULD DO

AA: damara used t0 carry me ar0und in a gym bag whenever she went anywhere s0 shes g0t n0 r00m t0 judge

 

Nepeta comes out of your mother’s room wearing your mother’s shirt and nothing else. She sees you and you pretend not to see her as she sneaks her way to the bathroom.

 

AA: well nepetas definitely screwing my m0ther

GC: C4LL3D 1T

AA: 0h my g0d d0es every0ne kn0w ab0ut this

GC: 3R1D4N TOLD K4N4Y4 4BOUT 4 C3RT41N DR4W1NG OF D4M4R4’S 4ND SH3 TOLD VR1SK4 WHO TOLD M3

AA: well that makes sense because 0f c0urse if y0u tell kanaya 0r eridan anything s00n every0ne will kn0w

GC: W3 4LL KNOW 34CH OTH3R SO W3LL 1TS 1MPOSS1BL3 TO K33P S3CR3TS

GC: 3V3RYON3 KN3W R1GHT 4W4Y YOU W3R3 PR3GN4NT

AA: my m0ther t0ld her c0w0rkers and all strippers ever d0 is g0ssip when they’re n0t busy taking 0ff their cl0thes 0r pretending n0t t0 be pr0stitutes

GC: 4R3N’T W3 L1TTL3 M1SS JUDG3M3NT4L?

AA: im a realist and well aware 0f h0w my m0ther makes m0st 0f her m0ney

GC: SO 1T DO3SN’T BOTH3R YOU?

AA: it never b0thered me

AA: thats her thing and i d0 mine as l0ng as she d0esnt pester me with it im fine

AA: by the way d0 y0u have gamzees handle?

GC: WHY WOULD 1 H4V3 TH4T

AA: because youre n0sy

GC: RUD3! >:[

AA: i need t0 talk t0 him and i d0nt want t0 ask tavr0s

GC: 1 DON’T KNOW 1T B3C4US3 1 H4V3 NO 1NT3R3ST 1N T4LK1NG TO H1M BUT N3P3T4 M1GHT H4V3 1T 4S TH4T’S H3R K1SM3S1S

AA: 0h g0ds

GC: LOOKS L1K3 YOU H4V3 4 FR13ND TO M4K3 >:]

AA: 0h great

 

\--apocalypseAttendant[AA] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator[GC]--

 

Nepeta is walking out the shower. You sit up slowly. “Uh, Nepeta.” The oliveblood almost jumps two feet in the air, then whirls around to look at you. “I have a question.”

“Uh!” Nepeta mutters, her face flushed, “I-its just um… we sort of…”

“Not about that.” You sigh. “I need Gamzee’s handle.”

She looks both relieved and curious. “What? Why?”

“I need to talk to him about his matesprit without his matesprit knowing.”

“Its terminallyCapricious.” She says, “Are you going pale with Tavros?”

“I don’t know.” You don’t know if you want the stress of a grub and dealing with Tavros.

Nepeta shrugs. “Just be careful when you talk to Gamzee. He can be a moody idiot; and let him know I still hate him and when he gets off of work, I’m going to tackle him and chew on his horns.”

“I’m going to shorten that.”

She goes back inside your mother’s room and you return to typing.

 

\--apocalyposeArisen[AA] began trolling terminallyCapricious[TC]!--

 

AA: Gamzee?

TC: WhO ThE MoThErFuCk aRe yOu?

AA: aradia

TC: Uh.

AA: aradia megid0

TC: …uH.

AA: y0u have n0 idea wh0 i am d0 y0u

TC: ArEn’t yOu tHaT WhOrE WiTh tHaT FiShFuCk wHo sPeAkS ThAt lAnGuAgE?

AA: thats my m0ther

TC: ArE YoU ThE BlInD OnE WiTh tHe sTuPiD GlAsSeS ThAt cAtBiTcH Is fRiEnDs wItH?

AA: thats terezi

TC: ArE YoU ThE OnE WiTh tHe sCrEwY EyE AnD ThE AnNoYiNg lAuGh?

AA: thats vriska

TC: Oh.

TC: OkAy tHeN.

AA: i live in y0ur neighb0rh00d im literally a street d0wn fr0m y0u

TC: WhAtEvEr. ThE FuCk yOu wAnT?

AA: tavr0s and i have been talking and hes n0t sleeping well

AA: s0 i want t0 help but i cant physically be there all the time cause y0u kn0w

TC: Uh.

AA: im pregnant

TC: ReAlLy?

AA: 0h my gods h0w can you n0t kn0w this? we g0 t0 the same school were in the same class

TC: NeW JaCk cItY Is fUcKiNg hUgE AnD I DoN’T GoT TiMe tO KnOw eVeRy fUcKeR In iT EsPeCiAlLy iN ThIs sHiThOlE HoOd.

AA: anyway what d0 y0u d0 when tavr0s has a nightmare

TC: He uSuAlLy wAkEs mE Up fIrSt bY ElBoWiNg mE In tHe fUcKiNg fAcE AnD ThEn hE WaKeS Up. He uSuAlLy gEtS Up aFtEr tHaT AnD I Go bAcK To sLeEp iF I’M ToO TiReD To gO WiTh hIm.

AA: you sh0uld try rubbing his h0rnbed t0 see if that w0rks

TC: ArE YoU TrYiNg tO Go pAlE WiTh tAv oR SoMeThInG?

AA: i d0nt kn0w

AA: w0uld you have a pr0blem if i did?

TC: No. WhY WoUlD I?

AA: y0u c0me 0ff as unfriendly is why

TC: ThAt’s bEcAuSe i dOn’t fUcKiNg kNoW YoU BuT If yOu’rE TrYiNg tO HeLp tAv gEt oVeR WhAt tHaT FuCk dId tO HiM ThEn i hAvE No pRoBlEm wItH YoU

Tc: ItS PeOpLe wHo fUcK WiTh hIm, FeF, aNd fUrTbItCh i dOn’t lIkE.

AA: als0 nepeta sends her hate

AA: she plans 0n chewing 0n y0ur h0rns

TC: TeLl hEr sHe’s a bItCh wHo nEeDs tO StOp sTeAlInG My sHiRtS.

TC: TaV Is sTeAlInG My pAnTs.

TC: SoOn eVeRyOnE In mY QuAdS Is gOnNa bE WeArInG My sTuFf eXcEpT FoR Me.

AA: thats cute

AA: als0 its instincts because y0ur mates like y0ur smell ar0und them acc0rding t0 archae0l0gical disc0veries tr0lls did that because it kept 0ther tr0lls away s0 that’s why pregnant tr0lls d0 that

TC: OnE ThInG Is tHaT TaV AiN’T KnOcKeD Up oR If hE Is hE’S DoInG A GoOd jOb oF NoT LoOkInG It sO FaR.

AA: its really 0nly a matter of time

TC: I FuCkInG HoPe nOt. LiKe i cAn aFfOrD AnOtHeR KiD Or hAvInG BuTtErFlYmOm bItChInG At mE.

AA: s0 y0u d0nt want an0ther kid?

TC: YoU’Re nOt mY MoIrAiL. i dOn’t hAvE To fUcKiNg tElL YoU ShIt.

AA: I’m just asking

TC: NoNe oF YoUr bUsInEsS.

AA: calm d0wn im g0ing

TC: GoOd.

 

\--apocalypseArisen[AA] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious[TC]!--

 

Feferi has her work cut out for her dealing with the moody highblood. You decide not to stay in the trailer since Nepeta doesn’t look like she’s going home anytime soon. You send a message to Equius that you’re spending the night with him.

 

7:45 AM

 

Heartburn woke you up at four and kept you up, so you sat on the couch and watched the weekly late-night marathon of the Alternian History of Sex. You surf Trollumblr on your husktop, looking up troll parenting lifehacks and noticing a new meme called lolgrubs. Your Trollian flashes with a message.

 

\--adiosToreador[AT] began trolling apocalypseArisen[AA]--  

 

AT: oKAY, wHAT DID YOU DO?

AA: what are you talking ab0ut

AT: yOU SAID SOMETHING TO GAMZEE BECAUSE I SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT EVEN THOUGH I HAD A BITCH OF A NIGHTMARE,

AA: maybe y0u just have a really sweet and attentive matesprit

AT: pFFFT, yEAH RIGHT,

AA: y0u d0nt think he’s sweet and attentive?

AT:  wELL, hE DOES DO NICE THINGS FOR ME AND HE’S A HUGE DORK AND HE CAN BE NICE, bUT HE’S REALLY ONLY NICE TO ME AND FEFERI,

AA: purplebl00ds d0n’t really like t0 0utwardly share their affecti0ns with every0ne and any0ne

AA: apparently thats instinctual since purplebl00ds used t0 pr0tect their mates and w0uld 0nly reserve em0ti0nal and sexual c0ntact f0r the safety 0f the mating caves

AT: ,,,ARE YOU WATCHING ALTERNIAN HISTORY OF SEX,

AA: …n0?

AT: oH MY GOD EVERYONE IS WATCHING THAT SHOW,

AA: wait h0w d0 y0u kn0w im watching it

AA: are y0u watching it

AT: mAYBE,,, IT WAS ON AND I’M ALREADY UP,

AA: d0 y0u usually wake up this early?

AT: mY SLEEP PATTERN IS OFF, aND WE’RE DOING THAT THING WHERE YOU JUST FUCKED AND YOU DON’T WANT TO SLEEP OR MOVE SO YOU JUST LAY THERE AND FEEL THEIR BULGE INSIDE YOUR NOOK PULSE WITH THEIR EVERY HEARTBEAT AND ITS JUST A,,,REALLY WONDERFUL FEELING,,,

AA: it is a very nice feeling

AT: hEH, tHIS SHOW IS SO PERVY, hOW DO THEY LET PEOPLE THINK THIS ISN’T PORN,

AT: i MEAN JUST LOOK AT THE HEFTSACKS ON THAT YELLOWBLOOD, nO WAY SHE’S JUST A REGULAR ‘DRAMATIC REENACTMENT’ ACTOR THEY PICKED UP OFF A LIST,

AA: y0u can sh0w nipples and genitals all y0u want as l0ng as its supp0sed t0 be ‘educati0nal’ which is their rati0nalizati0n 0f it

AA: heh its funny that were b0th watching the same thing

AA: its like the end 0f that m0vie where the tw0 pe0ple are s0rt 0f a c0uple but theyre just friends and theyre watching a m0vie but they’re n0t in the same place and theyre talking 0n the ph0ne t0 each 0ther. i think they were watching tr0ll Casablanca? 0r the end 0f it? damn whats the name 0f that m0vie

AT:  oH! i THINK I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT, i CAN’T REMEMBER THE NAME OF IT, wAS IT A ROMANTIC COMEDY? mAYBE KARKAT WOULD KNOW THEN,

AA: i d0nt kn0w i i cant really remember its name

AA: damn

AA: its 0n the tip of my t0ngue

AA: was it when tr0ll harry met sally?

AT: i DON’T KNOW? i’M NOT REALLY INTO ROMANTIC COMEDIES, i LIKE HIGH AND LOW FANTASY THOUGH I’M GETTING INTO URBAN FANTASY LATELY,

AA: i always liked a good fantasy setting especially 0ne heavy 0n w0rld building

AA: this still is funny

AT: yEAH,,,,uH,,,

AT: yOU KNOW WE’RE HALF-SIBLINGS RIGHT?

AA: what?

AT: rUFIOH’S YOUR DAD, rUFIOH IS MY MOM, dAMARA IS YOUR MOM, wE’RE HALF-SIBLINGS, sO THAT MAY EXPLAIN WHY WE’RE SIMILAR,

AA: …really n0w?

AT: aRE YOU… UPSET?

AA: n0 my m0thers a sacred pr0stitute tavr0s s0 she sleeps with all s0rts 0f pe0ple

AA: it was never really a huge crisis f0r me t0 find 0ut wh0 my father was because thats n0t really s0mething crucial t0 my identity as a pers0n i d0nt believe genes and family hist0ry equals destiny but if i was different s0rt 0f tr0ll maybe this w0uld be crucial f0r me t0 kn0w but as it stands im just s0rt 0f mildly interested but n0t flabbergasted

AA: this news d0es shed light 0n h0russs irritati0n t0wards me because in his mind rufi0h and him w0uld still be a thing still if i hadnt happened s0 im an em0ti0nal scapeg0at f0r a relati0nship that was m0st likely d00med fr0m the start

AT: i GUESS I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW,,, I FEEL LIKE A HUGE DORK NOW THOUGH,

AA: why?

AT: wELL, i JUST, yOU SEE, tHE THING IS,,,

AT: i GUESS I THOUGHT MAYBE TELLING YOU WOULD,,, BRING US TOGETHER OR SOMETHING, i-I DON’T KNOW, iT SOUNDS SO STUPID OUT LOUD,,,

AA: its very cute tavr0s y0u were always ad0rable

AT: i’M NOT ADORABLE, i’M WAY PAST THE AGE OF ADORABLE,

AA: i bet gamzee thinks y0ure ad0rable

AT: hE DOESN’T!

AA: i bet he thinks y0ure the cutest when y0ure embarrassed

AT: dOES NOT!

AA: that means he definitely d0es

AT: Oh yEaH He’s iNcReDiBlY CuTe wHeN He’s eMbArRaSsEd aBoUt sHiT MoThErFuCkInG AdOrAbLe >:o)

AA: hell0 gamzee y0u seem t0 be in a better m00d

AT: YeAh sO GoOd a mOoD I HiJaCkEd tAv’s iHuSk jUsT FoR ShItS AnD GiGgLeS WhIlE I WaS ReAdInG OvEr hIs sHoUlDeR.

AA: aww i steal equiuss things all the time

AA: m0stly t0 wear them

AT: YeAh i cAn’t dO ThAt wItH TaV’S StUfF. iT DoEsN’T FiT Me bUt oF He cAn uSe mY ShIrT As a dReSs.

AA: aww y0u flush him a l0t

AT: Of cOuRsE I Do! ItS JuSt mOtHeRfUcKiNg eMbArRaSsInG HaViNg tO TaLk aBoUt iT AlL ThE TiMe.

AA: thats very sweet

AT: aHA! 

AT: fINALLY GOT THE IHUSK BACK,

AA: hee hee

AT: hE BETTER NOT HAVE SAID ANYTHING EMBARRASSING OR I’M NOT HAVING SEX WITH HIM FOR THE REST OF THE MONTH,

AA: 0h he said n0thing except he flushes y0u a wh0le l0t and wants t0 snuggle y0u all day l0ng

AT: oH MY FUCKING GOD NO,

AA: 0u0


	3. refuge from the rain

On a rainy, soupy Friday, Tavros goes to group therapy with Karkat and Kankri. You drop him off at the building since Equius is at the firing range practicing his aim. You see Tavros off but don’t go inside with him. This is something he has to do on his own. You’re too nervous about the results of the session to just go home, so you go to Karkat’s old trailer. Terezi isn’t alone, as Jade, Dave, Eridan, and Sollux are there.

“I’m glad Kankri is finally getting help,” Terezi says, “and it goes without saying why Karkat needs to talk about what happened.”

“Karkat and Tavros both minimalize horrific things that happen to them.” you say, “I can’t begin to tell you the long list of terrible things Tavros saw Hanael and his ‘friends’ do.”

“No offense but why is Tavros dating Gamzee? Isn’t he a criminal?” Dave asks.

“Ex-felon since he’s out of Amethyst now.” Terezi says, “Aside from that, he’s not doing anything obviously illegal.”

“I don’t think he is.” Sollux says, “Gamzee seems very honest with Feferi and he strives to please and take care of her. He told me he’d throw me down two flights of stairs if I broke her heart, so I guess that’s his way of caring.”

“Not like having Fef as a moirail changed anything about his _lovely_ personality.” Eridan snorts.

“Well I said he was nice to his sister and his matesprit; not that he wasn’t a dick to everyone else.” Aradia says.

“Most people with types of sociopathy are _very_ antisocial so of course he’s not going to be very friendly. He doesn’t know us and we don’t know him.” Terezi says.

“I really don’t want to get to know him.” Jade admits, “Certain things you just _don’t_ want to know.”

Eridan smirks, “You’re pitching his matesprit.”

“Yeah, Jade, how’s that peanut butter lollypop taste by the way?” Dave asks. Jade punches him in the shoulder. “Ow! Hey! No bruises!”

Terezi laughs, “So how far have you gotten with Nitram?”

“Oh my gods. We came here to emotionally support each other, not gossip about our sex lives with people who aren’t here.”

“Oh like it wasn’t going to lead to that eventually.” Sollux laughs, “Everyone already knows Dave and you couldn’t keep it in your pants for long.”

“Neither could _you_ and Eridan.” Jade says.

“This isn’t about us; this is about you and Tavros doing the horizontal interspecies bop.” Eridan says.

“Interspecies bop? And what exactly is _that_ position?” Dave says, raising an eyebrow.

“It is hard to imagine Tavros being pitch.” you admit.

“Trust me; Tavros has plenty of pitch in him. He sent me chocolate and then it was empty, telling me that sweets are bad and I’m going to have a whale. So I threw the box at his head and stole his Pupa Pan DVD. I’m holding it for ransom until he gets me real chocolate. And it has to be quality or he’s not getting it back.”

“Oh that’s terrible!” Eridan laughs, “I hid all the remotes and game controllers in the trailer until Sollux got more shrimp.”

“Not as bad as that time you chased me around the doctor’s office with a speculum in nothing but a gown. I think that doctor is going to retire early because of us.” Sollux says.

“At least they’re not yammering at you about mutations; like it’s a crime that Dave’s albino.” Jade says. “It’s amazing how paranoid people are.”

“I think your grandfather still wants to shoot me.” Dave adds.

“He won’t shoot you since you’re the father of his first grandchild but he’ll be _really_ tempted. He’s more likely to shoot Tavros though.”

“There’s enough shooting and killing going on as is.” Terezi says, frowning. “Did you hear what happened near Dockside? They found two more mutilated trolls down the side streets; bluebloods this time.”

“Of course not.” You roll your eyes. “The tourism board is keeping things as hushed as possible while the rest of us get screwed over by the gang war.”

“I don’t think the bodies have to do with the gang war.” Jade says.

“What makes you say that?” Sollux asks.

Jade frowns. “Tavros said mutilation isn’t a UBK thing and I don’t think it’s a Brotherhood thing either. Most of the bodies found in the gang war have been shot point blank. There’s no mess because messes leave more evidence at a crime scene. I think… it’s just a lone nut cutting people up.”

“Like a serial killer?” you ask.

Jade frowns more, “That sounds like it.”

“Like either side will realize it.” Dave says, “They’ll blame each other and try to wipe each other out harder than before and the city won’t care if anyone in our neighborhood gets hurt. The only difference between us and Aniline End is that the cops still show up when they feel like it.”

“Kankri calls everyone in the trailer park and the Squalor ‘the invisibles’.” Terezi says, “The city doesn’t care about what happens to us.”

“It hasn’t always been this way in New Jack. It can’t be.” you say, “There has to have been some time in the city’s history when things weren’t so miserable. Now it seems like the city’s just waiting for a hurricane or a flood to wipe us all off the map so they can pave over and rebuild, like what they did to everyone who got flooded out during Calliope.”

“If New Jack City had a golden age, it’d be hard to pinpoint when.” Terezi says, “We’d have to ask Aranea, or Kankri; he’s the oldest of the second generation and more observant than you’d think.” Terezi says.

“Aww, its cute how you carry such a huge torch for your bookworm matesprit.” Sollux snickers.

“Oh like _you_ don’t for Feferi.” Terezi says, elbowing her brother.

“He’s always gonna carry a torch for his fishy princess.” Eridan chuckles.

“So what does that make you? Fishy duchess?” you giggle.

“Fishy _prince_.” Eridan insists.

“Fishy douchebag.” Sollux says.

“You keep that up or I’m going to name our offspring something unpleasant.” Eridan says, “Like Soltwo or Suxxor.”

“Suxxor sounds like an _awesome_ name.” Dave says.

“Do not encourage him.” Sollux says, “Both names sound like something out a terrible Ninth Age comic book by Troll Rob Liefeld. Like Suxxor hangs out with Cable and Deadpool and they have over-muscular bullet-filled adventures together.”

“Suxxor it is then.” Eridan decides.

“No.” Sollux growls.

“Yes; it’s totally happening now.”

“No! With a name like Suxxor Captor he’s going to grow up to be a total douchebag!” 

“Anyone with the surname ‘Captor’ is bound to be a douchebag anyways.” Terezi laughs.

“Have you picked out name for your grubs, Terezi?” Aradia says.

“Fajita?” Jade suggests.

“There’s two Fajitas in our class.” Terezi says, “I picked out Khanie for the teal and Kankri wants to name the mutantblood Kempie.”

“Do those mean anything in Alternian?” Dave asks.

“Khanie uses _kha_ for general or commander and _nie_ for conquering, while Kempie uses _kem_ for binding and _pie_ for family.”  Terezi says. “Dave, do you and have names yet?”

“I was thinking Dovakiin, Glados, Ness, Kerrigan, or Shepard.” Jade says.

“Jade. We are not naming our kids after videogame characters…” Dave sighs.

Jade scowls at her matesprit, “You want to give our kids ironic names like Dallas, Brooklyn, Florence, and Margot.”

“Those are awesome names.”

“You really want your kids to hate you, huh?” you laugh.

“It can’t be any worse than some of the names at school. There’s like ten people in our class named after colors, verbs, chemicals, or gems.”

“Including _you_.” Dave points out.

Jade pulls Dave’s hood over his head. “Jade is an ornamental stone not a gem, and I was named for my eye color. And I’m the one having the kid so I get to name this one.” She smiles at you, “Have you and Equius picked out a name for your kid? Apple Dash? Berry Daring?”

“Themma.” you say, “ _The_ means sprite and _m’ma_ means logic.”

“That sounds pretty, Aradia.” Sollux says.

The rest of the evening is spent eating and gossiping. At ten, Sollux drives you to the community center where Tavros and the others are getting out of their first session. Tavros looks exhausted but more relaxed. You return to his trailer and sit on the back porch, watching the rain fall.

“I hated going there but… I needed to go.” Tavros sighs.

“No? _Really_?” You sigh, “You were heading for a nervous breakdown.”

“That’s what our counselor said.” Tavros sighs, “I realized that it wasn’t so much Hanael but being in that environment; seeing those miserable and desperate people day in and day out… the prostitutes were worse than the dealers and addicts...”

“How’s that?”

“Because they were all so _young_! They were kids compared to us!” Tavros groans, “I think the oldest I met was fourteen or fifteen. They were warmblooded and all from Aniline End. I was Hanael’s bitch so they considered me harmless. They considered me a… comrade, of sorts.”

He falls silent again, twiddling his thumbs, “When I was dealing, I made friends with one of them. Getwow. Her parents were from Brazilitim and they didn’t speak English so they picked her name out of an ad when they came to register. Her father got laid off so they had to live in Aniline End. Eventually her father ran off and her mother died so Getwow was supporting her siblings by prostituting herself at the motel. She hated Hanael too and liked me. We smoked together. Hung out sometimes…” Another silence, “…one day… I found her dead in an alley. Naked. A junkie got her, robbed her… fuck knows what else happened to her. And it was no big deal because she was an immigrant. A troll. From Aniline End. Fifteen… she was fucking _fifteen_ and I kept thinking ‘That could’ve been me’ over and over again. I just…”

Your moirail senses are alerted and you pull him into a hug. He’s trembling. It feels right holding onto him.

“Shoosh. It’s okay. I got you, Tavros.”


	4. too old?

**== >Tavros: Consult mother**

It’s the end of July now and you’ve fallen into a comfortable routine: talk to moirail, appreciate matesprit, attend weekly therapy, hang out with Mom, and avoid Porrim.  But currently the ‘avoid Porrim’ part is being violated when Rufioh tells you Porrim wants to come along while your mother and you bum around on the old farm in West New Jack.

“She just wants to get to know you better, Tav. She’s a part of the family now.” Rufioh says, trying to smooth things over.  

“She already knows me and she was already family! She’s been my weird aunt and having her as my weird _stepmother_ is just…” You groan, “ _Why?_ Doesn’t she have work or some nursey or fashiony thing to do instead?”

“Unless you want you to go to a fashion show, then the answer’s no.”

Rufioh sure as hell wasn’t going to a fashion show. You inherited his allergies to any sense of imposed style. You can’t get out of Porrim’s attempts at bonding. Gamzee’s a dry avenue for an excuse since he’s doing landscaping at Feferi and Ms. Egbert’s church from six in the morning to three in the afternoon seven days a week.

“I thought you hated Orthodoxians?” you asked him when Gamzee told you about the job.

“I don’t hate _money_.” Gamzee snorted. “I ain’t preaching to the choir. I’m doing landscaping outside. Fifteen bucks an hour is a lot more than fucking _minimum_.” 

You knew the downtime for Amethyst inmates was spent gardening, since the prison boasted being ‘self sufficient’. As for the Porrim matter, you consult Aradia via Trollichum.

 

\--adiosToreador[AT] began trolling apocalypseArisen[AA]!--

 

AT: sO HOW’S THE PREGNANCY GOING?

AA: 0h my fucking g0ds i cann0t wait until this little bastard c0mes 0ut 0f me i cant take sitting around all fucking day i am sick t0 death 0f reality tv and i want to sh00t every0ne on subjug sh0re

AT: so,,, PRETTY MUCH THE SAME? }:)

AA: the fuck d0 y0u want?

AT: pORRIM'S TRYING TO BE MORE INCLUSIVE IN MY LIFE AND I REALLY,,, DO NOT WANT THAT, lIKE, aT ALL,

AA: tavr0s st0p being such a bitch p0rrims fucking y0ur m0m s0 get used t0 her being ar0und 0nce jadebl00ds pick a quadrant they stay that way the 0nly reas0n she stayed with aranea is cause aranea g0t kn0cked up and refused t0 let her leave

AA: why else w0uld the d0l0r0sa stay with the ghb? have y0u seen the ghb? wh0 in the hell would willingly quadrant that? it has t0 be the bulge

AT: pREGNANCY HAS DESTROYED THE WAY YOU TALK,,,

AA: fuck y0u y0u c0me here and deal with being unable to sleep eat 0r walk with0ut fucking pain fr0m y0ur st0mach because this little bastard w0nt leave

AT: aT LEAST YOU HAVE EQUIUS,

AA: this is his fault i will n0t be nice t0 him n0w

AA: maybe ill kn0ck him up and see h0w much he likes lab0r and having t0 use the bathr00m every thirty minutes 0u0

AT: sLOW DOWN THERE TROLL SATAN, i DOUBT THE NJCC LETS PREGNANT TROLLS JOIN THE FORCE,

AA: fuck the p0lice

AA: and fuck that gaudy self righteous fish wh0re 0f s0lluxs i sh0uld fuck her too 0u0

AA: im g0nna fuck her and bite 0n her stupid pink gills while my bulge is ramming in her just shove it in there and keep pumping away until she cant take it 0u0

AA: im just gonna fuck everyb0dy 0u0

AT: ,,,

AT: sOMETIMES I WONDER IF YOU’RE REALLY DAMARA’S DAUGHTER BUT THEN YOU SAY THINGS LIKE THIS AND THAT ERASES THE DOUBT,,,

AA: shut up unless y0u want t0 be 0n the t0p 0f the fuck list 0u0

AT: yOU KNOW I WAS PREGNANT TOO, i DIDN’T ACT LIKE I WAS IN HEAT ALL THE TIME, oR MAYBE I WOULD HAVE IF I HADN'T BEEN SO MALNOURISHED,

AA: well that wilts my bulge and dries my n00k

AT: uH,,, SORRY?

AA: whatever

AA: h0w badly were you maln0urished?

AT: fOR FOUR MONTHS I WAS EATING NOTHING BUT FAST FOOD, cEREAL, sODA, aND CANDY, i WAS INCREDIBLY UNDERWEIGHT, i WAS SURPRISED THE KIT TURNED OUT NORMAL BECAUSE OF ALL THE JUNK IN MY SYSTEM,

AA: y0u’ve seen y0ur kid?

AT: yEAH,,, HE’S FINE, hE LIVES DOWNTOWN I THINK,

AA: have y0u t0ld y0ur parents this?

AT: i TOLD MOM, mOM SAID THERE’S REALLY NO POINT IN TALKING TO MY SON, hE DOESN’T KNOW ME AND IF HE WANTS TO FIND ME IN THE FUTURE HE CAN, fOR NOW I WANT HIM TO GROW UP HAPPY, nOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT HIS IDIOT MOTHER,

AA: s0 what are y0u g0ing t0 tell your 0ther kid?

AT: oH FOR FUCK’S SAKE, i’M NOT PREGNANT NOR AM I GETTING PREGNANT,

AA: 0h yeah 0f c0urse cause i was 0n grub c0ntr0l thats why im t0tally n0t pregnant right n0w

AA: g0 and hang 0ut with y0ur jadeblood stepm0m i have t0 g0 t0 the bathr00m AGAIN

 

\--apocalypseArisen[AA] ceased trolling adiosToreador[AT]!--

 

AT: uGH,,,

 

You lay in the back of the truck for the ride to South New Jack. Laying down alleviates your abdominal pain, which have been occurring more often. Not even aspirin is enough and walking around the farmland is a nightmare as the cramps come and go.

“It’s amazing this place is still standing.” Porrim says, walking through the farmhouse door. “How long has it been empty?”

“I left here when I was little so roughly thirty years.” Rufioh says, “Whoever owns the property isn’t selling it for a low price since the land is good and the house is well designed. This house survived Calliope. There might be some basement flooding though…”

Porrim and your mother start talking about his life on the farm. You’re walking to the back porch when the pain returns. A groan escapes you and you double over, panting. After five minutes of cramping the pain passes.

“You should see a doctor.” Porrim says.

You turn around frowning, “I thought you were talking to my mother.”

“I was but I saw you cramping again and I wondered if you were ready to talk about it.”

Did she come here because she noticed you were in pain? You grumble, “I’m fine.”

“I doubt it. It’s put a crimp in your sex life. Gamzee’s doing that ‘blue bulge’ walk and I don’t mean the blood color.” She chuckles.

“How do you know that?”

“My father is the Grand Highblood.” Porrim states, smirking, “You could _tell_ when he wasn’t getting any. He’d get agitated and start hounding after his other quadrants to get laid. Rufioh’s father loved walking all over my father when he was desperate. They had an… _interesting_ kismesistude. You’d never think a Subjugglator would want a bronzeblood’s bulge inside them so badly.”

Your mind conjures up the image of the Summoner teasing the Grand Highblood, stroking the larger troll’s bulge and mocking him for being too slow to ever catch him. It makes you think of Gamzee and your bulge starts to slide out of its sheath. Fuck, your body likes betraying you at the worst time.

“I haven’t been in the mood lately.” You grumble, “He has a kismesis he can wrestle if he’s aroused.”

“Who’s moody and pregnant.” Porrim tilts his head, “When was the last time you had a proper heat cycle?”

“Oh my _gods_.” You rub your temples, “Is this Ask Tavros Personal Questions Day?”

“I’m only asking because you should have hit your heat cycle by now.”

You recall your road trip a month ago. You did fuck a lot, but you’re not sure if that was your heat cycle or not. “I don’t know. It’s hard to tell if me or Gamzee were on it.”

“Purpleblood bodies are built to conceal. If they’re in heat, you wouldn’t know it easily and especially after Gamzee’s… situation… in prison, his cycle’s most likely irregular.”

You sigh and mutter, “Like a month ago I might have had a… hormonal thing going on, but maybe I was just really happy cause I…erm.” The embarrassment of this conversation is getting to you. “…well…”

Porrim smiles, “Never climaxed before?” You groan, “What?”

“It sounds weird when you say it!”

“It’s _obvious_ that was the situation. Sexual satisfaction and fulfillment changes the nature of any relationship. It’s hard to be ‘just friends’ when you genuinely love someone.”

“Is that what happened with you and Mom?”

Porrim smiles. “Yes. Your mother was upset when you left. When I went to your trailer, his kitchen had raccoons living in it. He was that uncaring by that point. I cheered him up and left it that, but we actually didn’t have sex until recently.”

“So why’d you move in now? Are you pregnant?” The thought had crossed your mind.

“Despite us being associated with motherhood, jadebloods are very slow reproducers like ceruleanbloods. It’s really a matter of mood and timing.” Porrim smirks, “I think if my mother was of a warmer hemotype, she would’ve had more children.”

You and Porrim are alone and this means you can ask the million boon question. “What did you mother _see_ in the GHB?” 

Porrim smirks. “The same thing you see in Gamzee. When my mother met my father and you met Gamzee, you were both in bad places and needed a highblood’s favor. You initially thought you’d have to exchange sex for that favor, but it turned out said highblood genuinely liked you. So despite what people said, you stayed with them because you could see _potential_.”

“…does that mean Gamzee’ll go nuts?”

She looks sad when you say that. “I hope not. He’s already been locked away for so long; he’ll never be let out if he flips out. The only difference between my father and Gamzee is that his moirail isn’t gone and he doesn’t need medication… yet.”

“I didn’t know the GHB was on meds.”

“Oh yes; when he was young the higher Subjugglators thought he was too vicious when manic. The Condesce kept him drugged to keep him calm and that worked out… until they came to New Earth. Being stuck on a strange planet, your legacy misconstrued, and the generation gap made things worse. Mother secretly kept him on meds but without therapy or a moirail, he was a time bomb. So he had episodes. One of which was the rape of the Signless. The other one was the rampage.”

She’s silent. You hear the wind and the rustle of the grass.

“I… for _years_ I blamed myself for it. I always thought it was what I said.”

“What did you say?”

“You see my father…” She stops and sighs again, “…was becoming more attracted to me. It wasn’t unusual for his generation though, as the understanding was that it was a highblood’s nature to sleep around but they still respect their quadrants. My mother slept with others too. They were still matesprits though and I was getting older so my father…”

“He wanted you as his mistress?”

Porrim sighs. “Yes.”

“And you said no?”

Hesitation. “Not exactly.”

“So… you slept with him?”

 _“No!”_ She looks disgusted you would ask that. “I loved my father as a parent, but that sort of platonic love didn’t translate for him. I respected him a lot. I wanted to be Daddy’s Girl but for my father, I was sending him mixed messages.”

“Did he ever try to… uh…” Should you even ask this question?

Porrim hesitates. “Almost. For a while things were tense. One day it was just us in the manor. I was swimming and when I came out of the pool, he picked me up. He was being playful with me, teasing me, but I knew he wanted to have sex with me. I was a little… irritated with him by this point and it was mainly because I just didn’t want to be a status symbol for him. ‘Look at all the bitches I got’ thing. I respected my father, but my patience had its limit.”

She’s becoming more irritated with every word. You can see Porrim, a young and fiery jadeblood, “I asked him: aren’t I too old for you? Aren’t I not helpless enough? That surely he’d prefer someone meeker and younger. After all, when you’re with the young, you can pretend _you’re_ still young; that you’re still important. That’s why you fuck lowbloods, why you dye your hair. You’re afraid of being forgotten. And you’re afraid of getting _old._ ”

There’s silence from her and wind rustling, shaking the leaves. You hear birds calling to each other in the tall grass. Porrim inhales deeply, then exhales.

“He grabbed my throat and I could see the murderous rage in his eyes. For the first time ever… I was afraid of him. I don’t know how but he let go of me just as fast as he grabbed. He stormed off and that was what caused the rampage.” She sighs, “It got exaggerated in the papers. He killed a troll, then a human, and then several policemen. It went on for a while but eventually he was brought down. A lot of people wanted the death penalty but it would have dragged the proceedings on.”

She looks at you, “The only reason he’s still alive is because the corps and private armies run Amethyst. After all, why waste the genetic materials or the perfect killing machine? He also had knowledge of Old Alternian tech being a general. He built and flew interstellar ships, conquering empires and planets.” She swallows, “They’ll keep him in there until every drop of knowledge has been drained from his think pan. Then they’ll figure out a way to kill him.”

You don’t know what to say. You touch her back, “I think you did the right thing. Nothing good ever comes out of sleeping with someone you’re not into.” You smile, “So does this mean Kurloz and you don’t have a twincest thing going on?”

She smirks, the cheeky jadeblood returning. “Well now. I didn’t say _that_.”

“You have?”

“A gentlemen never asks and a lady never tells.” She snickers, “And Kurloz would be irritated with me if I said yes or no and as much as I like to irritate him, I won’t put him a bad mood.”

“So what about Gamzee?”

“Gamzee is… different. I feel bad for him. If Feferi wasn’t his moirail, I would have done it. If he’d let me.” She smiles wider, “It makes him… _uncomfortable_.”

“How do you know that?”

“He told me!” She laughs, “I don’t know if it’s because I’m a jadeblood or just how I come off to him.”

That is something to ask Gamzee later. You know Gamzee has a long list of triggers (which Feferi compiled for you) but that’s a new one. “I know Mom and Kurloz slept together. That’s why Meenah calls them ‘bonebrothers’.”

“That and their mutual high school fashion choices, but yeah, they totally did it. They most likely still do. I doubt Meulin cares since she’s a wild thing. She probably watched. A bit like her mother in that regard.”

“The Disciple? I can’t think of her being wild, unless you mean like a feral cat.”

“Oh _no_. The Disciple was a _freak_ , in bed and in her social life. She associated with the Handmaiden who ran an informal brothel out of the Manor.” Porrim smirks. “Why do you think our parents didn’t like Meulin? It wasn’t because of Meulin. No, Meulin was always nice. Mother hated her because Meulin is a witch. They were afraid for Kurloz because of what happened to the Psionic.”

Being reminded of the Psionic’s grisly death makes you think of the discovered mutilated bodies. The police were not actively investigating it but still keeping it on the hush-hush. The reasoning was that so the killer wouldn’t know too much about the investigation but you (and most of the people in the trailer park) have a hunch they don’t have a clue who’s doing it or why.

“I can’t see Meulin sacrificing chickens to demons or drinking blood on the full moon.”

“You’d be surprised what people are capable of when they’re alone. I doubt she’d give up worshipping her mother’s gods.”

There’s rustling behind you and your mother steps onto the back porch. He glares at Porrim, “You’re not talking about that time Kurloz and I had sex are you?”

“ _No_.” Porrim says, innocently. “I was just mentioning how I’m always nice to my brother and I never _ever_ emailed him pictures of my nook or my nipple piercings.”

“Between you and Kankri you’re going to drive Kurloz up a wall.” Rufioh sighs.

Porrim pouts, “Am not.”

Rufioh opens his mouth but his iHusk rings. He takes it out and puts it to his ear. “Yes? Equius? What is… slow down. Take a deep breath. Okay, what’s going on? Oh? Oh. _Shit_. Okay, we’ll be there. Just go to the hospital and we’ll meet you there.” He hangs up and looks at Porrim and you, “We gotta go. Now.”

“Is everything okay?” you ask.

“What’s going on?” Porrim asks.

“Aradia’s in labor.” Rufioh says. “She’s at the hospital right now.”

The downside of spending your day in South New Jack is its distance from everything else. Your mother is trying not to race the car as you enter downtown. By the time you arrive at New Jack General, get checked in, and go to the troll maternity ward, Aradia is already passed out holding a dark red egg.

“It was a fast delivery. Everything’s okay.” Equius pants.

“You look like you’re about to pass about.” you say.

“Am I? I feel fine. I’m just going to go lay down. For a few minutes. Over there.” Equius wobbles towards the chairs pushed into the corner. Once he sits down, he immediately nods off.

You decide to go home since both parents are knocked out. You’re feeling exhausted too and running around the hospital hasn’t helped the waist pain. You go home to your trailer and take some more aspirin. Gamzee is snoring on your day bed. You lay down next to him, pushing some of the purpleblood bulk off to the side.

Gamzee grunts and rolls onto his side. “Fuck… you’re in late.”

You lay down next to your matesprit, kissing him. “Aradia had her egg. It’s a rustblood.”

“Everyone’s having grubs…” Gamzee mutters, half awake.

“Including you and your kismesis.” You snuggle against him.

Gamzee grunts.

“You never told me how you felt about having a grub with her.”

“Didn’t really want to since I can’t stand the bitch.”

You nudge him with your forehead. “What would you do if I got pregnant?”

Gamzee frowns and his eyes slowly open. “… _are_ you pregnant?”

You frown. “No, I just want to know what you’d do if I was.”

“Probably flip the fuck out because I would have two kids on the way.”

“So I should abort?”

“Are you sure you’re not—”

You nudge him again, “ _I’m_ _not_. Just answer the question.”

Gamzee sighs. “Listen. I don’t have any issue with you getting knocked up aside from it being a purpleblood or not being able to feed it because we don’t work. Last thing I wanna be is one of those fucks I met in prison who had a buncha kids they never cared about or never saw.”

You smirk. “Like I’d let you get away with that shit. I’d hunt you down and cut off your bulge if you ever think about skipping town while I’m knocked up.”

“I wouldn’t leave our kid, Tav. I’d want to see them.”

“Really?”

He smiles, “Course. They’d be awesome. Just that…” He frowns, “…what if I hurt ‘em?”

“That won’t happen.”

“But what if it does?”

“…we’ll figure out a way to make it work, alright?”

He doesn’t respond. You gently kiss his neck, feeling the indentations and old scar tissue with your lips and lip. He shivers and holds onto you tighter.

 


	5. the days bleed out

After two days in the hospital, Aradia goes home with a bill and a rust-red egg. She stays at Equius’s trailer, hidden in a nest of archaeology books, high salt and sugar snacks. She snarls when Equius gets too close to the egg. Horuss says its instincts that won’t let a large blueblood get too close to her precious egg. She lets you a little closer though so you can see the rather large egg. You promise her to grubsit when the egg hatches.

You go home and take a career aptitude test on the city website. It recommends you for the agricultural ectobiology field, you check to see who’s hiring. August is around the corner and most summer jobs will be ending, so you look into autumn and winter employment.

You spend the first week of August building muscle strength. Most of the jobs and internships in agriculture involve copious heavy lifting. The challenge to this is the pain in your side is a lot more frequent now. You’re still ignoring it and taking painkillers more frequently.

Saturday night you are resting in bed. Gamzee is spending the night with Feferi so you can spread out on the bed. The weather is hot and steamy with frequent thunderstorms, so Gamzee’s been worried about her wandering into bad weather. You listen to the rainfall and read Wicked by Troll Gregory Maguire. 

The pain slams into your waist. At first you’re not sure what the hell that is. You slowly wake up but don’t move immediately. Then the pain hits you again; far more clear and violent. It’s like the stress of egg laying but instead of your nook it’s trying to burst out of your side. You roll out of bed, whimpering. The world is tilting and swerving violently. You have to walk slowly or you’re going to fall. You stagger out your room.

“M-Ma…Mom…”

You’re grinding your teeth, trying to soldier through the pain but it worsens by the minute. Something inside of you twists, strains, and violently pushes. You collapse outside of his bedroom door, yelping in pain. Rufioh opens the door and immediately picks you up. He flies out the door since he’s faster than any ambulance.

You’re hemorrhaging blood by the time you get through the doors of New Jack General. They immediately take you in because you’re making a mess on the emergency room floor. You get placed on a stretcher and jabbed with needles. They’re telling you something but you’re too delirious to know what. You assume they’re just trying to stop the bleeding. The minutes blur into hours and you don’t know when you pass out.

When you wake up, you’re in a hospital room with an IV plugged into your arm. A two-decade old sitcom is playing on the TV in the corner. Rufioh is sitting in the corner, looking zoned out and your blood splattered onto his jeans.

“M-Mom…?” Your voice sounds hoarser than you remember.

Rufioh sits up in his chair, “Tav! You’re awake!”

“What happen…?” You’re still feeling the effects of the drugs they gave you.

Rufioh frowns. “You had a cyst in your egg sack that they had to remove right away. That’s all I know. The doctor said he’ll come in with the specifics when you’re more alert. You were out for the rest of the night. Its morning now… Tav…” He hugs you gently. “Shit… I thought you were _dying_.”

You hug him back as much as you can and fall back onto the bed. You’re not aware when you fell asleep but when you wake up, the doctor is in the room with your mother.

The doctor is an older human woman. “Tavros? Are you awake?” she asks.

You nod slowly, “Yeah. Now…”

“Your vitals seem to be okay. Just wondering how you’re doing post-op.” she says.

“Tired…achy…” You mutter, “…what happened?”

“There were two large cysts in your ovary, about the size of two golf balls. It was getting bigger and the ovary started to twist, thus the pain and bleeding. Do you have a family history of this sort of thing?”

“No.”

“Are you on any birth control?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you know the name?”

You think for a minute, “I think it’s called Ludoprin…?”

“Yeah that’s it.” Rufioh shakes your bottle of pills. “I got it from home while you were knocked out.”

The doctor frowns, looking at you, “How long were you taking this?”

“A-about… a year… constantly…” you sigh.

The doctor frowns, “Ludoprin was taken off the market a year ago for having dangerous side effects. In fact, you’re the tenth young troll who’s had to be operated on for cysts. Coupled with the smoking, I’m surprised you haven’t had a side effect earlier.”

 _“I know.”_ Rufioh growls. You avoid the glare he’s giving you.

You get a long list of things you’re not allowed to do: no more smoking, no more pills, drink more water, eat healthier, take your painkillers and no sexual activity for the next two weeks. After they discharge you, you go home and immediately pass out. When you wake up, Rufioh makes you get rid of your pills and cigarettes. You’re angrier about giving up the smoking rather than the pills. Though without the pills, your day of wild, irresponsible sex with Gamzee are over.

Summer is essentially over for you three weeks early. Senior year is starting and your only advantage is that you know what you want to do with your life.

The next three weeks are spent relaxing at home. Gamzee visit more often, even carries you around for the hell of it (and gotten your horns stuck in a lot of things). The last week of August, you’re resting with your matesprit on your bed.

“So you’re not working St. Capricornus festival?” you ask him.

“Nah.” Gamzee is sprawled across your lap, purring and eyes shut. “I got a legit job. And getting up at five in the morning sucked.”

“Do you still want to go?”

“Can you do all that walking, Tav?”

“I’m fine, Gamzee. This isn’t the first time I’ve had surgery. It wasn’t as bad as when I got hit by a car. I’m healing fine.”

“You had _emergency_ surgery cause you didn’t tell anyone you were in pain in the first place.” Gamzee grumbles.

You pout, “I have a high pain tolerance. I didn’t think it was a big deal.” Gamzee doesn’t want to yield and you whimper, “Summer’s almost over. I don’t want to stay inside all day. Can’t we go in the evening? If I’m in pain, I’ll tell you and we’ll leave.”

“ _Fine_ …” Gamzee sighs.

Like Mirth Gras, people don’t fill the streets but the bars and clubs. The fairgrounds are having an end-of-the-summer carnival unrelated to the holiday, as there’s fewer tourists to filch. You find your own spot at the public beach on Manoogian Road. You sit in the woodsy area on a blanket since there’s less trash here.

“How’s school going?” you ask. Gamzee groans and you nudge him with your horn. “Come on. I haven’t asked you about it all summer because you got annoyed.”

Gamzee sighs. “…Feferi thinks I should go to a trade school.”

“For what?” Another groan, _“Gamzee.”_

“Plumbing…”

“What? Gamzee, that’s great! Plumbers get paid a lot. Wait. _Plumbing_? When did you learn that?”

Gamzee sighs, “Okay. So. When I got out of prison they put me in a halfway house in Aniline End and Aniline End is on top of a cesspit so there’s a lot of open air sewers. There was six of us in a shitty apartment that’s _almost_ the size of your trailer ‘cept there were two bedrooms and no storage. I had the job of working the sewage and water pipes cause I wasn’t a complete spaz, and if you didn’t work the pipes, you wouldn’t have fresh water or shit’d be pouring out into the kitchen.”

You wince at the image. 

“Only good thing was that we were high up. Being high up in Aniline End meant you were safe. Nobody tried burning things down or causing too much trouble when you were high up cause shit would collapse on top of each other and before you know it, the whole place’d be done for. On the rooftop, you could pretend you were somewhere else for a while.”

This is the longest he talked about Aniline End. It’s not something either of you dwell on, “Why not do the apprenticeship? You could get paid more and not have to worry as much about finding a job once you have your diploma.”

“Cause it’s like four more motherfucking years of _school_ is why!” Gamzee groans, “Summer school’s a fucking pain in the ass.”

“Four years is _not_ that bad. You’re not getting a PhD in Law. Its vocational training, apprenticeship, and then you’ll immediately get employed. I’m going to end up doing the same when I go to agricultural school. You survived for years in prison and Aniline End, and yet you can’t do _this?_ You don’t even have to worry about the cops busting you or killing anybody. You just have to show up to class and do your job.”

He mutters, “Fiddling with pipes and shit is different from doing the real thing. My math skills are shit too. I don’t wanna try and end up fucking it all up.”

“What’s the point in giving up before you try? Even if you fail or have a hard time, I’ll still be proud you gave it a shot. You can’t be a criminal all your life. What about your kid?”

He’s silent and you decide to drop it. In the end, it’s his decision what he does with his life. Late into the night, people are scattering. September is tomorrow and the summer is over. You fuck in the shadows of the coastal trees, listening to waves crash against rocks and gulls screech as they scour the beach for abandoned food. At first Gamzee’s not sure if this is a good idea since your surgery but you’ve healed up. Since the surgery, your hormones have been coming back at regular intervals. It’s refreshing to have his bulge inside of you and your nook holds onto it, wringing genetic fluids out. 

Gamzee runs his cold hands up your chest. “We been fucking outdoors all summer long, Tav.” He purrs, “What’re you gonna do when its winter?”

You give him a wicked grin. “I’ll fuck you in the rain.”

He laughs and makes you cum not once but twice. You leave the beach, heading home in the warm darkness of oncoming fall.

* * *

 

The next morning, your stomach’s in a knot. You stumble off the daybed, and make it to the toilet. You’re gagging but nothing has come up. Your first assumption is this is the result of too much carnival food, but (as your gagging easing) you recall how last night you went easy on the deep fried things and heavy on the sex.  

Oh for fuck’s sake…

You rummage through the medicine cabinet for a pregnancy test. You do the routine you’ve done a thousand times by now. It’s been negative a thousand times before and your birth control should still be working. 

“Tav?” Gamzee yawns on the other side of the door.

“A minute…” you mumble.

You look at the test. It’s red. The stream of profanities you then emit is on par with the Vast Expletive. 


End file.
